Since the beginning of this I have been seeing coronavirus jokes trickling across my social media feeds. Today a fellow denizen of a private mailing list dropped the below collection there, and it’s pretty comprehensive, if a little out of date. March turned out to have only a million days and April was infinite.

• 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which has infinite.
• What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
• Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story…
• Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
• I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
• Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers, and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
• Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
• What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
• Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
• Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock.
• What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
• I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. The times are rough.
• You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
• Heard about the panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? It’s a wurst kase scenario.
• If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
• You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
• What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
• If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
• The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
• So many coronaviruses jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
• Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8:00 or 9:00.
• Man walks into a bar, says “I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.”
• What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes.
• What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.